the pendulum swings...

I've had a busy fall- we all have, right?

For some reason I'm learning more about myself and my sin patterns in a fresh way this season-

I overcommit. (too.....)

For so long I honestly, pridefully, couldn't really understand fully what some of my friends talked about when they were overcommitted- "couldn't they just cancel something? .....Oh yeah they definitely made a mistake by agreeing to sign up for that...." I mean I was busy, active, and all that but didn't feel like I was sinking.

The Lord has chosen to humble me....I'm really stretched thin, involved in several fantastic things that its hard to figure out what to drop....Its been the focus of my prayer time with my friends and has dominated the conversations in our marriage.

Indeed this fall is uniquely different- I traveled out of the country for a trip and Dave leaves for South Africa in just 3 weeks..

But that's not all.

Its not even just the little things that have piled on- so with all of the processing I guess I'm struggling to understand what's behind my desire for activity.

One thing that struck me tonight was how intentional I was about making sure I'd be connected to friends because I homeschool my daughter. Homeschooling can be a very isolating adventure. Not for everyone, but for me its proven to be so. I specifically don't have a close community that I see on a frequent basis in the schooling world- its been hard for me to find my niche. In fact out of my closest friends in Charlotte I'm the only one with school-aged children. So since I knew I wouldn't have the regular interaction that can happen through schooling I think I just let the pendulum swing too far the other way.

Its been hard to wait for the pendulum to swing back- to hopefully find the balance between being home well and serving as well. I know I often commit to help because of the relationships that the opportunity will afford me, or what it may add to my reputation- my sin is so prevalent through my scheduling.....

Anyway, tonight again I'm sad.
Because I mismanaged my time.
my family's time.
my friends' time.

I want to do all these things well but feel like I'm failing in many of them.

Its one of those times when I just have to wait.
Not without hope- but to endure well.