15 years ago

I wish I had a picture to post with this blog entry. It would be myself at age 15. Half my life ago....

15 years ago today a friend of mine Alison Fitzgerald died. She was not my best friend. I was not hers. But we'd been friends since kindergarten. Alison battled leukemia for years...twice going into remission but not for too long. My sophomore year in highschool Alison went to Duke for a bone marrow transplant. At first it was working, but not too long afterward her body began to reject it and she died September 27, 1994.

Funny things I remember about that day....I had a strawberry toaster strudel for breakfast (gross). My cousin called my mom to let her know Alison had died. My mom told me after getting off the phone. My brother, a senior at the time, drove us to school that morning and we didn't talk very much. I played on repeat, the saddest song I could at the time- Sullivan Street by the counting crows...I had no idea what the song was about but it was sad and somehow comforting. The first person I saw in the parking lot was Ben Powell, our student body president. He had on a coat and tie. I don't know why I remember that but I do.

We had an emergency assembly that morning where the school was told. Then our class was asked to hang out afterwards....those next few days were a blur. I remember going to Emily Blanton's house with our whole class, roughly and reading old letters from Alison. I remember Mrs. Mizzell making us sunflower pins....I remember it rained the day of her funeral.

What that day marked for me was the first time I tried to rebel against the Lord...well my first intentional one- I was mad at Him. I felt Him selfish- He raised Lazarus from the dead, his friend, why not mine? For the next 10 months I skipped Sunday School off and on- faked a relationship with the Lord, dated a guy I never should have....10 months later almost to the day another friend of mine died.

Jenny Gwinn- this time I wasn't mad- but thankful. She'd been a friend since preschool. We went to the same church- She'd recently returned from a mission trip that I chose to not go on- instead I partied my way through europe on a trip with my school. Jenny really had a change of heart that trip- the Lord met her there and called her back to Himself- within a week of returning she was in a car accident.

I remember I was thankful that Jenny had the chance to come back to the Lord. I remember talking with my friend Katie and deciding to go the next summer on the mission trip- It was the first step of really giving the Lord control over my life...

I know it sounds so cliche- but 15 years ago today my life began to change- first for the worse, then the beautiful redemption. I'm surprised today that I'm feeling so emotional, but I am. Thankful to the Lord for his goodness- for conquering death.

"where O death is your victory?
Where O death is your sting?" 1 Cor 15:55